NOT NATURAL BORN CHEATERS

by Annie
First I would like to personally tell Hector that I enjoyed reading his post and his lame attempt to justify his cheating habits – very smooth!

Also sorry for slacking the past couple of weeks! I’m going to try and get back on track this break!

So this is in response to Hector’s “Natural Born Cheaters” post. I know he wrote it a while ago but still ... read it again if you have to.

Men and women are very different, there is no denying that very obvious fact. And, yes, both men AND women are capable of cheating. I wont deny that either, but to say that it is natural for men to do it makes no sense, does it? Do I think guys cheat more that girls? Yes, I would say they do. It’s in a man's biology to want to wander, right? Of course not! To say that they are naturally born to cheat is going out on a limb. We come to a discussion of nature vs. nurture. Since the beginning of time men have had an upper hand on women. The IDEA (I say idea because it is not an instinct or a reflex) of polygamy has in a way been accepted for men. I saw Beowulf a couple weeks ago (IMAX – very cool!) and King Beowulf was married, he had a wife for many years, and yet he had a young girl tend his “needs” almost every night. Was the queen oblivious to what her husband was doing? No, she was very well aware. The reason why men think it is acceptable to cheat is because women allow it to happen. The queen in this movie loved her husband but there was nothing she could do about this younger girl. She was stuck.

What if women cheated on their husbands? What would happened?

Double standard! That double standard still exists today. It isn’t natural. It is instilled. It isn’t a matter of biology. It is a social construct. Sex is biological. Cheating habits aren't.

Today women are the same. Yes, I know I am bashing my own sex, but sometimes we must, and today I must. If we allow this to happen then it is never going to stop. Not only will it not stop, it will get worse. We all know the divorce rate has gone way, way up, and so has infidelity between couples. Why? Because we let it happen. We women get tricked into believing what our partners tell us.

Like the famous “it was a one-time thing” theory. When we catch guys cheating, the first excuse they offer is that it was a one-time thing. In reality, cheating is usually a pattern that is rooted in much more that a one-time lapse of judgment. If your man cheats and swears it will never happen again, don’t just take his word for it. You just can't trust that he’ll be honest about something he’s already lied to you about. Sometimes we are so stupid we tend to let men get away with dishonesty, because we so desperately want to believe in them. What we should really be doing is paying more attention. How about the “she is just a friend” line? C’mon, really? Okay so maybe she is just a friend, but a friend who comes over for a hot and heavy night once in a while. This “friend” is not enough to be a girlfriend, but he still doesn’t want to end things just in case it doesn’t work out with you.

We have all had an experience with a lying scumbag, and if you haven’t then you will. Sorry for that lack of optimism, but it is true.

Yes, I can admit that women are not perfect. We are far from it. I am simply saying men cheat because we forgive them for doing it!

"You stay classy ..."

THEATER REVIEW: "THE COOK"

by Becky
Walking into a theater is always exciting to me. An expectation of what the director has brewed up and how much I will like the show. This time I walked in and it smelled like food. Food? I got paranoid because I had just eaten the greasiest cheeseburger in Chicago. But no, it wasn't me. It was just the smell of food. A smell that soon transformed into a story.

This story you can see at:

The Owen Stage
at the Goodman Theatre in Chicago.

***Sidenote: I do not believe in reviewing a show and forming an opinion for you. That, you must do on your own. However this group of letters, words, and sentences serves as an invitation for you to see The Cook at The Owen, directed by Henry Godinez. And, please look out for these interesting points.(end note)

The Cook is about a woman living in Cuba in 1958, working as a cook for a wealthy government family. Upon the revolution, the family leaves Cuba and heads for Miami, leaving the house under the care of Gladys, the cook. Gladys waits for her return, always being loyal to Adria, her "master" and "friend."

The story plays with time: setting the clocks back at New Year's, aging but not letting go of the past, political times in Cuban history... Batista... Castro...

Food. Food is an important part of any culture, and Gladys finds comfort in perfecting her recepies, and in that way, maintaining her identity as a strong, proud, Cuban woman amidst all that is changing around her.

Betrayal. Betrayal of friends, family, heritage, the people...

As you see this show, ask yourself: What does the House and the kitchen mean to Gladys? To her husband? To Adria, her master?

How do you identify food with each of the characters? Do they eat it? Make it? Serve it? What does that say about them?

And... If you just don't feel like thinking and want to enjoy a show that brings up many important issues (not just for Cuba but for everyone)

GO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF.

LATER!

Unsweetened

by Annie
“Sometimes when I sit down to eat, I get nervous and I start to shake. I’m afraid that I’ll gain weight. I tell myself, ‘I have to lose five more pounds.’”—Melissa.

“I want to be attractive, and I’m terrified of getting fat. But I don’t want anyone to know that I throw up my food after I eat. It’s very embarrassing.”—Amber.

“I tell myself: ‘Today, I’m going to do better’ And then later in the day at some inevitable point, I binge. Guilt follows, and I want to die.”—Jennifer.

We all want to look good, and that’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you’re like any of the girls quoted here, you could have a problem. If you do, you’re not alone. The fact is, millions of people have an eating disorder.

Let’s take a closer look at anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating. Each of these disorders has distinct symptoms, but all of them involve an abnormal attitude toward food. If you see yourself in any of the descriptions that follow, be assured that help is available. You can get better!

ANOREXIA: No matter how slim they may be, when someone with anorexia looks in the mirror, they see an obese person. To lose weight, they will resort to extreme measures. “I became compulsive about counting calories,” says one sufferer. “I carefully planned what I would eat for the week, skipping meals and exercising excessively whenever I thought I’d consumed too many calories. I took up to six laxatives a day.”

Before long, symptoms of anorexia start to show. Weight loss is a common sign, but the sufferer may also experience hair loss, dry skin, fatigue, and loss of bone density. Menstrual periods can become irregular or even cease for several consecutive months. Perhaps these symptoms sound harmless, but make no mistake—Anorexia is life threatening. One study found that in time, up to 10 percent of sufferers die from their disorder, usually as a result of organ failure or other problems related to improper nutrition.

BULIMIA: Instead of avoiding food, the girl with bulimia binges, consuming as many as 15,000 calories in just two hours! Then she purges what she has eaten, usually by making herself vomit or by taking laxatives or diuretics. Bingeing is most often carried on in secret. “After school, if I came home before anyone else, I usually binged,” says one girl. “I was careful to hide the evidence.” After the binge, however, guilt set in. “I would feel terrible about myself,” she says, “but I knew that I could easily erase my actions. I’d go upstairs, vomit, and feel not only relieved but also empowered.”

Despite any seeming benefit, purging is dangerous. Laxative misuse weakens the intestinal lining and can lead to inflammation or infection. Frequent vomiting can result in dehydration, tooth decay, damage to the esophagus, and even heart failure.

BINGE EATING: Like the bulimic, a binge eater will consume a large amount of food. The difference is that she will not purge. As a result, the binge eater may be overweight. Some will, however, starve themselves after a binge or engage in rigorous exercise. Sometimes when weight is maintained in this way, family and friends remain oblivious to the binger’s plight. Like anorexics and bulimics, binge eaters have an unhealthy attitude toward food. One girl says of herself and other sufferers: “Food is our personal, secret friend—maybe our only friend.” Another says: “While bingeing, nothing else seems to matter. Food seems all important—it’s comforting—and then the binge is followed by feelings of guilt and depression.”

Even without purging, bingeing is dangerous. It can lead to diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, and a number of other maladies. It can also take a heavy emotional toll. Could It Happen to You?

Of course, most people who want to lose weight or get into shape do not have an eating disorder. Still, after considering the above, you might wonder if you are heading in that direction. Ask yourself:

Am I ashamed or embarrassed about my habits or rituals related to food?
Do I hide my eating habits from others?
Has food become the biggest part of my life?
Do I weigh myself more than once a day?
Am I willing to take risks to lose weight?
Have I experimented with self-induced vomiting, laxatives, or diuretics?
Have my eating habits affected my social life? For example, do I prefer to be alone rather than with others so that I can binge or purge in secret?

If you have a problem the first step is to admit to yourself that you have a problem. “After thinking about it,” Danielle says, “I realized that I had the same feelings and habits as girls with anorexia. It was scary to come face-to-face with the fact that I did the same things that they did.”

Then, talk to a parent or other adult who is in a position to help you. Caring adults will not shame you.

You might gain the victory over your eating disorder, only to relapse weeks or even months later. If this occurs, do not give up. A setback does not make you a failure. It only emphasizes the need to strengthen your resolve, to recognize the warning signs that a relapse is imminent, and to open up, perhaps once again, to supportive individuals who can help you.

Gender Roles

by Annie
First and foremost I want to apologize to Becky, sorry for writing such a long post! I couldn’t stop, but I cut it down so it shouldn’t be so bad!

I was watching RUNNING WITH SCISSORS (good movie by the way) and there was a scene where Dr. Finch finds his daughter, Hope, in his “masturbatory” (his masturbating room) taking a nap. He says to her, “Go answer the phone, do some paperwork, go do something like a respectable young lady should do.” I didn’t really pay much attention to the comment until a few days later. (I am starting to sound like Hector in his How I’m not American post, ha ha ha). Anyway, I had family over for dinner and I was heating up tortillas. One of my uncles said to me, “Ya sabes calentar tortillas, ahora si te puedes casar.”

Ya sabes lavar, limpiar y cocinar, ya te puedes casar! That is a very common phrase if you come from a Mexican family. It is expected for a young girl to know how to be a “good” wife. How can one define what a good wife is? Are their certain requirements that women are supposed to follow? Gender roles probably represent the earliest division of labor among humans. Every society has specific social definitions of appropriate behavior for males and females.

In my Women and Creativity class we read an article from the Housekeeping Monthly Magazine (1955). The name of the article was The Good Wife’s Guide and when I finished reading it I was shocked. These are just a few of the bullet points the article had:

1. Be happy to see him.
2. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is the way to let him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
3. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.
4. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
5. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
6. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
7. A good wife always knows her place.

Wow! Some of these are not so extreme but still, “Don’t question him,” now that is just a little degrading. A wife has every right to ask her husband anything she wants, doesn’t she?

I have always been very independent and I am a firm believer in equality for all sexes. There are times when I don’t know how to react to male chauvinist ideas or actions. For example, when my father or brothers leave their plate on the table after dinner, my mother instantly picks up after them. I used to get so mad. I would always say, “Ey, you forgot to pick up your plate!” They look at me and say things like, “I’ve been working all day, I’m tired,” “That’s what your mother is for,” or “If you see it then pick it up!” This makes me really angry, especially because my mother doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t see anything wrong with what they (my father and brothers) say or do. I understand that she was raised that way, I respect her completely, and I just don’t think I am comfortable with doing that myself. I know that when I decide to have a family I will have to make certain sacrifices and I will definitely respect and support my husband, and I expect my husband to respect me as well, but I think there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. My mother constantly tells me, jokingly, that I am going to be a horrible wife. She says my husband is going to starve and will never have clean clothes. All this is said in a humorous matter, but I know that unconsciously she wishes I were a little bit more submissive.

I know how to cook, clean, wash, etc. my mother did well in teaching me how to do these things and I appreciate it. In fact I couldn’t thank her more, I am so proud that I am able to do things on my own, domestically speaking, and she knows I am ready to have a family, if that is what I wanted. I love to cook, it is one of the things I enjoy doing the most. I cook for my family, friends, and of course myself. What I am trying to say is this: I don’t disagree with knowing how to do the domestic aspects of the home; as a matter of fact I think it is necessary to know these things, but I do disagree with the idea that the female sex is “supposed” to do it. Why shouldn’t it be expected from both sexes?

Most people simply say that this is how the world works, but it isn’t! How can we account for women's subordination? Women's subordination has a social origin; it is neither given by nature nor an accidental feature of relations between men and women, but built into the structure of society. If gender and sexuality are not fixed by nature, then male dominance and institutionalized heterosexuality are open to challenge.

I was watching Popeye a couple weeks ago and there was an episode where Olive Oyl started taking self defense classes. Popeye walks by and see’s the poster which is advertising Women Self Defense classes. It is not very clear but you can hear Popeye saying “Oohh classes for the weaker sex!” I swear it says that! So I continued watching more episodes (I bought the Popeye collection on DVD in August, if anyone wants to borrow them just let me know!) and when I switched the DVD a WARNING came up, the warning reads as follows: The animated shorts you are about to see are a product of their time. They may depict some of the ethnic, sexist and racial prejudices that were commonplace in American society. These depictions were wrong then and are wrong today. While the following shorts do not represent the Warner Bros. view of today’s society, these animated shorts are being presented as they were originally created, because to do otherwise would be the same as claiming these prejudices never existed.

Men and women are different in regards to privilege, prestige, and power. The problem of who gets what, when, and how has traditionally been answered in favor of males. Sex is a biologically determined characteristic; gender is a socially constructed characteristic.

No nation treats its women as well as its men. Women in many countries suffer discrimination and abuse. U.S. women do most of the household work and childrearing. Even though more women are contributing in the paid workforce, women continue to be excluded from top jobs or earn less than men. And even though women have become more involved, men still dominate U.S. political life.

Functionalists suggest that families are organized along instrumental-expressive lines, with men specializing in instrumental tasks and women in expressive tasks. Conflict theorists say that a sexual division of labor is a social tool devised by men to make sure they get privilege, prestige, and power in their relationships with women. Interactionists argue that gender inequality continues because of the way we define men and women’s roles in society. Feminists argue that women are disadvantaged because society is patriarchal; the assignment of group differences is socially damaging people. The truth is social construction is a reality and we will never be able to get rid of it. Society has made a mold or a model of how we are supposed to act and yes, all cultures and religions have their own specific ideas on how one as a male or female should act, but in the end the established order has already created a central idea of sexes, behaviors, and expectations. I am not saying there are no differences between sexes because in saying so I am neglecting certain truths meaning not all societal roles are due to conditioning. I am just saying that the idea of how "men" and "women" are supposed to act is a social construct.

Basically I have come to this conclusion: I don’t agree one hundred percent with how society creates roles for women. For example, the “good wife” article, I don’t think that we should be told how to be with our husbands; we should respect and love our husbands without following a handbook. Women are free to be however they wish. I don’t look down upon women who are all about their husbands, those women who can’t do anything without consulting their husbands first; some women like that, they like to feel “protected,” I am just not like that, their might be occasions where it is necessary but keep your self respect ladies.

Color-Vision Deficiency

Do you have Color-Vision Deficiency? 1 of twelve guys and 1 of every 200 girls suffer from this condition. Most sufferers have difficulty distinguishing between yellow, green, orange, red, and brown. This defect can make it hard to see green mold on brown bread or on yellow cheese or even distinguish a blue-eyed blonde from a green-eyed redhead.

Defects in color vision are usually inherited and are present at birth. Because schools often use color-coded teaching tools, especially in the early grades, parents and teachers might think that a child has a learning disability when, in fact, they have a color-vision deficiency.

Although there is no known cure for this condition, it neither worsens with age nor does it increase the risk of other defects. Still, color-vision deficiency is a disability that can be frustrating.

Spirituality

“Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need!”

People everywhere recognize the need for spirituality in their life and assume that once found, it will bring them happiness. What, though, is the meaning of the term “spirituality”?

One dictionary defines spirituality as “sensitive or attachment to religious values.” Just about every religion claims to know the path to spirituality; the directions to spirituality given are about as numerous as the religions themselves. A Protestant claims to be saved at a revival meeting, a Catholic seeks communion with God at mass, a Buddhist pursues enlightenment through meditation, a Hindu strives for release from the cycle of rebirths through self-denial, and a Christian finds it when they belong to a church. Spirituality can mean, to some, to believe without belonging (that is to believe in a god or deity or anything without belonging to a “church”).

Spirituality refers, not to a religious experience but to a desire for inner peace and meaning in life. Those seeking spirituality need not look to religion at all. You need to look inwardly, to your innermost feelings. One writer said: “True spirituality is something that is found deep within oneself. It is your way of loving, accepting, and relating to the world and people around you. It can not be found in a church or by believing in a certain way.”

Clearly people differ greatly in their ideas about spirituality. As far as their being a correct path to follow (the best path) I don’t agree with the idea that there is only ONE way. Everyone has their own view on being spiritual. Some people want to join spirituality and religion into one, and that’s fine … if that is what you want, but let me define both of these words.

Religion is a set dogma, there are sets of rules and behaviors that one should follow; religion has an organization to it. By definition, it involves belief in a deity or worship of a deity. Religion is the personal set or institutionalized attitudes, beliefs, practices, or a cause. Most religions tend to follow a certain format of worship or service in a manner that brings about a feeling of unity. So, it would be safe to say that most religions are manmade institutions where individuals with the same religious attitudes gather in order to achieve a sense of harmony with that which they consider to be divine.

Spirituality, on the other hand does not place the emphasis on rules, ideals or textbooks. Spirituality is what you feel without being told and without having to belong to something in particular. It does not (necessarily) have anything to do with religion... it has to do with self-realization. It is the search for one's own spiritual truths. Many spiritual seekers choose not to join into an organized type of religion, but prefer to discover the answers from within themselves rather than through manmade rituals.

Religion often tends to build walls of mistrust, fear, and even hatred through its rigid, in most cases, adherence to the “rules.” Spirituality, on the other hand is free of dogma, and allows tolerance and discernment to others beliefs, rather than intolerance and judgment.

This is not to say that religion is bad and spirituality is good. Religion by its very organization promotes a sense of unity, and spirituality can have a down side when the seeker starts relying on leaders who profess to have all the answers and they just end up leaving us confused.

In my opinion, religion and spirituality don’t fall hand in hand; you can’t use these two words interchangeably like most people do. I am not saying in any way that either is more logical than the other, I am simply expressing my thoughts and feelings.

Where's Mandela?

"I heard somebody say, Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandela’s," – Bush

Those were the exact words Bush used when speaking at a press conference; his intent was to explain the sectarian strife in Iraq and defend his administration's Iraq policy. Sometimes I wonder if Bush thinks before opening his mouth to speak, Nelson Mandela is still very much alive!

When I read this I remembered an episode of America’s Next Top Model (Yes, I watch that show from time to time … don’t judge). The girls were taken to see Nelson Mandela's cell. Keenyah, who feels a “stronger” connection because she is black, cries when hearing of Mandela's ordeal for democracy. Before that she knew nothing about Mandela, still, she manages to talk about how great Mandela is. Then she turns and asks one of the girls if he is still alive.

Like I said before, he IS alive. Mandela is eighty-nine; he retired from public life in June 1999 and currently lives in his birth place Qunu, Transkei. He was jailed for 27 years for fighting white minority rule, and in 1994 Mandela became South Africa's first black president. He won a Nobel Peace Prize for preaching racial harmony and guiding the nation peacefully into the post-apartheid era. Mandela accepted the Nobel Peace Prize as an honor to all people who worked for peace and stood against racism. It was as much an award to his person as it was for all South Africa s people.

“I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die,” Nelson Mandela

OBESITY

Kids, teens and adults continue to get heavier. One-third of children and teens in the USA (about 25 million kids) are either overweight or will become over weight. Even babies in the USA are heavier than they used to be. Being obese means having so much body fat that your health is in danger. When you take in more calories than you burn off, you gain weight. How you eat, how active you are, and other things affect how your body uses calories and whether you gain weight.

For the “busy bee’s” it is easier to reach for prepared foods, go out to eat, or go to the drive-through. What do all these alternatives have in common? They are all high in fat, high in calories, and are usually more than what we should eat. We are all aware that we must burn more calories than we take in, and still we wonder why we get bottom heavy when we do very limited physical activity.

FINAL WORD (KIND OF RANDOM): Illinois is the only state that requires daily physical activity for grades K-12.

Faith, Part II

Faith can be interpreted in many different ways. Some people would say that faith is the basis of all knowledge. According to Hector, faith is defined as: “the adoption of one believe wholeheartedly and completely, such a definition is idealistic, dangerous and foolhardy.”

I don’t consider myself a religious person, but I am very knowledgeable when it comes to the bible. One of my favorite scriptures is Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Pursuant to what Hector wrote in his essay regarding Mother Teresa and her faith I have a personal response. I quote him, “They cling to their ideals, fearful of allowing themselves to act and think and feel the way they were born to, as human beings.”

Why would someone who has faith in something, anything, be considered to be afraid of allowing themselves to be human? (This sentence still refers to the quote above, inserted from Hectors faith essay.) There are many different interpretations of this word; it all depends on who your demographic audience is.

God gave human beings free will; no other living creature has this quality. It is what makes us such complex mechanisms. First of all, does free will even exist? Many will fight that it does not. I argue it does. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. I have never practiced any other religion. I was not baptized as an infant; rather I was given the choice to decide when to dedicate my life to God … so to speak. God does not force his/her power over individuals; we are given will and the freedom to choose. Each and every one of us is responsible for our own actions, which requires free will. However, Hectors essay is not about free will, it is about faith. (I got a little carried away ☺) So let’s get back on the topic and focus. Like I said before, faith can be considered the basis for human knowledge.

I used to only know what I was told by my parents or teachers, but I have looked for answers and I have researched topics that interest me, such as this one. This doesn’t mean I don’t have faith, I most certainly do! The idea of "faith seeking understanding" was set forth by St. Augustine in his statement "Crede, ut intelligas" ("Believe in order that you may understand"). That is what I am going to base my argument on. If we don’t believe in anything and have some sort of faith in either a person, place, thing or idea then how do we expect to understand anything? It does not necessarily have to apply to the idea of religion but rather the totality of knowledge.

Hector said something about children being taught to believe in things such as Santa, the Tooth Fairy, etc. Well, don’t children typically hold parental teaching as credible? When our parents tell us something we usually believe it, it becomes a foundation upon which future knowledge is built. Not everything our parents tell us will be correct, of course some things are said to scare us or refrain us; some of what we learn will be wrong, and some will be rejected. When we have no other sources of information our parents become our teachers. Of course, it is irrational to cling to everything we were taught but it is the foundation of our future knowledge.

Faith can be applied to merely anything and everything. For example, how many people have faith in a specific sports team, a parent, a lover, or most importantly themselves? Faith must be present in order to know anything. In other words, one must assume, believe, or have faith in the credibility of things in order to have a basis for knowledge.

We also base our knowledge to "authorities." Sometimes we just don’t have time to evaluate all the details so this is were "faith" is used instead. Faith is a commitment. "Faith" can be used in the sense of "fidelity." For a lot of people, faith or the lack thereof, is an important part of their identity.

I agree with Hector when he said that we sometimes say to know something “simply because everyone around us claims to know the same fact,” and “we might not even review the legitimacy of the idea.” We should always ask questions and find our answers but being faithful in something does not mean we are naïve. I want to leave this clear, asking a question does not mean we lack faith in any way, shape, or form; it is simply a way of strengthening our faith and becoming more knowledgeable.

Until we possess all knowledge in totality, we will need faith in order to believe something to be correct or incorrect.

Healthy Relationships and Sexual Orientation

So the story goes: Boy meets girl, girl likes boy, then boy and girl become a couple! Sometimes we become overly excited that we blind ourselves from what is really going on and we don’t see that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be. We get all goo goo ga ga and then don’t even realize that we don’t want to be in a relationship like that, but by the time we figure it out we’ve already been affected in some way. What makes a relationship healthy? Most importantly, there needs to be mutual respect. Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands the other person's boundaries. Trust is also a must. Jealousy is a natural emotion, but how a person reacts when he or she feels jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other. I mean, think about this, both individuals had a life before they met each other, a life that involved other people. If you can’t trust your partner with their own friends, then maybe you shouldn’t be together. And if it is a big problem why not hang out with each others friends. It isn’t necessarily good if it is always one person’s group of friends that the couple hangs out with, mix it up a little. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle if one person is always fighting to get his or her way. Everyone needs to make compromises, but neither person should have to pretend to like something they don't like or give up seeing friends.
I was in a relationship a couple years ago where my boyfriend was mean, disrespectful, controlling, and abusive. Some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior might see it as normal or OK, but it's not! I remember he used to get angry when I wouldn’t drop everything for him and he would keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys. It's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind, but of course I didn’t see that until it was too late. My friends would all tell me what I should have seen, but I just ignored them and justified what he did any way that I could. It’s not easy to see all the red flags, but there are some obvious ones.
I finally realized that I just wasn’t ready yet, so I took time off and used it to find out who I was! Relationships can be one of the best (and most challenging) things that happen to us. They can be full of fun, romance, excitement, and intense feelings, but just make sure the relationship brings out the best in both people.

Sometimes it is so hard to find someone who's right for you. So when it happens, either with the same or the opposite sex, we’re usually psyched. Does it really matter who it is as long as that person makes you happy and treats you fabulously? Most medical professionals believe that sexual orientation involves a mixture of biology, psychology, and environmental factors. In other words, sexuality is not simply chosen. Then we have those that don’t agree with that. Some believe that we can choose who we are attracted to — and that people who are gay have chosen to be attracted to people of the same gender. If we really think about it, can anyone control who they are attracted to? Some people believe that any sexual orientation can be chosen and switched by preference, like any other lifestyle choice, and if this is true, who cares? Why do we, as humans, feel the need to criticize anyone who might be a little different from us? And maybe the person isn’t even homosexual but we make assumptions based on looks which can lead to the wrong conclusion. Having a more "feminine" appearance doesn’t mean that a guy is gay and having a more "masculine" appearance doesn't mean a girl is lesbian. And what about friends that seem “too close?” Over time activities associated with sexual-orientation have changed. For example, it is assumed that same-sex kissing, especially between men, is a sign of homosexuality, but in other countries it is a sign of friendship. In my opinion, everyone should be free to love who they want to love, without being judged. Happiness comes in all sorts of shapes, sizes, and sexes!

ADAPT says these are Not Our Lives!

National Action in Chicago, September 9-13, 2007

For years, people with disabilities in Illinois have:

* Fought the unnecessary segregation of people with disabilities in institutions

* Lobbied against service cuts and increased fares to mainline transportation and paratransit services

* Been denied their right to a choice in long-term care services even though more community options would save millions of dollars.

Disability concerns cut across all communities fighting for better access to: Health Care, Housing, Transportation and Economic Opportunities. After years of empty promises and broken plans, people with disabilities around the country are coming to Chicago to demand change. We invite you to join us! For five days in September, hundreds of ADAPT members will rally, demonstrate and protest against Illinois systems that starve people with disabilities and others of their rights and their independence. Chicago ADAPT invites all community members who support equality, choice and access to join us in September!

What: ADAPT National Fall Action
When: September 9-13, 2007
Home Base: TBA, please contact us.

For more detailed information, email Gary at garnold@accessliving.org or Amber at Asmock@accessliving.org or call 312-640-2199

The Good Samaritan

This allegory (the story Jesus told of the Good Samaritan) was told to illustrate that compassion should be for all people, and is one of the most famous parables today. When someone is said to be a “Good Samaritan” they are described as a generous person who is ready to provide aid to people in distress without hesitation.

I attended a screening of the documentary Dying to Get In (a film by Brett Tolley) on August 29, 2007. It was an intimate perspective of the people that cross the border everyday and what they go through. In 2005 the number of deaths in the Arizona desert reached a record high, the Mexican/US border in San Diego built a wall separating the two borders, trade policies have forced people off of their own land, the list goes on, but how far is too far?

Legally, law enforcement officers have a right to interfere on immigration matters. This new policy says that when someone has been arrested for a serious, indictable crime, police are not just entitled but obligated to ask the suspect about their citizenship, nationality and immigration status. The questions will be put during the booking process to all those arrested. And if the officer doesn't like what he hears? Well they must immediately notify Federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement. If an officer determines that the person they have arrested is an illegal alien, he or she can initiate eventual deportation, regardless of the outcome of the criminal accusation. Previously there had been no statewide policy on the matter.