MALE FEMINISTS?

by Annie
Feminism is a movement and a body of ideas developed by, for, and about women. Yes, men have become more aware of the importance of hearing women’s voices; they have started defended women’s rights a little more, but can men be feminists? There are too many differences between the sexes, and although men’s understanding of the feminist movement is necessary for improving the feminist causes, they are not women and so men will never be able to relate to women.

I am not saying that men can’t support the feminist movement as pro-feminists, I am just saying that men can’t be called feminist or identify themselves as feminists because they have never been women and will never experience the world as women do. The word "feminism" is reserved for women!

In my opinion, when men try to call themselves feminist they are just trying to take over a movement for women, as if they don’t already control most of the world, right?

"One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman"

by Annie
I am aware and I wanted you to be aware that men/women view things differently. For example, boys commonly take the penis as an embodiment of their “excellence”, while girls, who do not have the possibility of alienating themselves into one single part of their body, tend to turn their whole body into an object. This is where it all starts. Because we see ourselves as objects, we make it okay for guys to see us as objects, more commonly sexual objects.

When this type of “objectified relationship” is established it usually turns into one of the following: "lovers without commitment" or "friends with benefits." For me casual relationships are unrealistic. I believe strong emotions will inevitably come into play. Perhaps it is because I am a romantic; I guess it is my weakness. Anyway, relationships that start off as friends with benefits usually end because of a one-sided romantic attachment.

Like I said before I am a romantic. I still believe in the idea of growing old with someone and being faithful to that person. For me love can stand alone, it is a combination of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Being someone’s "friend with benefits" is easy for a person who has been in a steady relationship followed by a recent "breakup". They may claim that this kind of “commitment” (if we can call it that) may lead to a strengthened bond or a more stable relationship if and when they are ready to commit fully, although it is more probable that the relationship will in fact be ruined, right?

Sometimes the cost of being in a relationship outweighs the rewards! Be careful!

NOT NATURAL BORN CHEATERS

by Annie
First I would like to personally tell Hector that I enjoyed reading his post and his lame attempt to justify his cheating habits – very smooth!

Also sorry for slacking the past couple of weeks! I’m going to try and get back on track this break!

So this is in response to Hector’s “Natural Born Cheaters” post. I know he wrote it a while ago but still ... read it again if you have to.

Men and women are very different, there is no denying that very obvious fact. And, yes, both men AND women are capable of cheating. I wont deny that either, but to say that it is natural for men to do it makes no sense, does it? Do I think guys cheat more that girls? Yes, I would say they do. It’s in a man's biology to want to wander, right? Of course not! To say that they are naturally born to cheat is going out on a limb. We come to a discussion of nature vs. nurture. Since the beginning of time men have had an upper hand on women. The IDEA (I say idea because it is not an instinct or a reflex) of polygamy has in a way been accepted for men. I saw Beowulf a couple weeks ago (IMAX – very cool!) and King Beowulf was married, he had a wife for many years, and yet he had a young girl tend his “needs” almost every night. Was the queen oblivious to what her husband was doing? No, she was very well aware. The reason why men think it is acceptable to cheat is because women allow it to happen. The queen in this movie loved her husband but there was nothing she could do about this younger girl. She was stuck.

What if women cheated on their husbands? What would happened?

Double standard! That double standard still exists today. It isn’t natural. It is instilled. It isn’t a matter of biology. It is a social construct. Sex is biological. Cheating habits aren't.

Today women are the same. Yes, I know I am bashing my own sex, but sometimes we must, and today I must. If we allow this to happen then it is never going to stop. Not only will it not stop, it will get worse. We all know the divorce rate has gone way, way up, and so has infidelity between couples. Why? Because we let it happen. We women get tricked into believing what our partners tell us.

Like the famous “it was a one-time thing” theory. When we catch guys cheating, the first excuse they offer is that it was a one-time thing. In reality, cheating is usually a pattern that is rooted in much more that a one-time lapse of judgment. If your man cheats and swears it will never happen again, don’t just take his word for it. You just can't trust that he’ll be honest about something he’s already lied to you about. Sometimes we are so stupid we tend to let men get away with dishonesty, because we so desperately want to believe in them. What we should really be doing is paying more attention. How about the “she is just a friend” line? C’mon, really? Okay so maybe she is just a friend, but a friend who comes over for a hot and heavy night once in a while. This “friend” is not enough to be a girlfriend, but he still doesn’t want to end things just in case it doesn’t work out with you.

We have all had an experience with a lying scumbag, and if you haven’t then you will. Sorry for that lack of optimism, but it is true.

Yes, I can admit that women are not perfect. We are far from it. I am simply saying men cheat because we forgive them for doing it!

"You stay classy ..."

THEATER REVIEW: "THE COOK"

by Becky
Walking into a theater is always exciting to me. An expectation of what the director has brewed up and how much I will like the show. This time I walked in and it smelled like food. Food? I got paranoid because I had just eaten the greasiest cheeseburger in Chicago. But no, it wasn't me. It was just the smell of food. A smell that soon transformed into a story.

This story you can see at:

The Owen Stage
at the Goodman Theatre in Chicago.

***Sidenote: I do not believe in reviewing a show and forming an opinion for you. That, you must do on your own. However this group of letters, words, and sentences serves as an invitation for you to see The Cook at The Owen, directed by Henry Godinez. And, please look out for these interesting points.(end note)

The Cook is about a woman living in Cuba in 1958, working as a cook for a wealthy government family. Upon the revolution, the family leaves Cuba and heads for Miami, leaving the house under the care of Gladys, the cook. Gladys waits for her return, always being loyal to Adria, her "master" and "friend."

The story plays with time: setting the clocks back at New Year's, aging but not letting go of the past, political times in Cuban history... Batista... Castro...

Food. Food is an important part of any culture, and Gladys finds comfort in perfecting her recepies, and in that way, maintaining her identity as a strong, proud, Cuban woman amidst all that is changing around her.

Betrayal. Betrayal of friends, family, heritage, the people...

As you see this show, ask yourself: What does the House and the kitchen mean to Gladys? To her husband? To Adria, her master?

How do you identify food with each of the characters? Do they eat it? Make it? Serve it? What does that say about them?

And... If you just don't feel like thinking and want to enjoy a show that brings up many important issues (not just for Cuba but for everyone)

GO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF.

LATER!

Unsweetened

by Annie
“Sometimes when I sit down to eat, I get nervous and I start to shake. I’m afraid that I’ll gain weight. I tell myself, ‘I have to lose five more pounds.’”—Melissa.

“I want to be attractive, and I’m terrified of getting fat. But I don’t want anyone to know that I throw up my food after I eat. It’s very embarrassing.”—Amber.

“I tell myself: ‘Today, I’m going to do better’ And then later in the day at some inevitable point, I binge. Guilt follows, and I want to die.”—Jennifer.

We all want to look good, and that’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you’re like any of the girls quoted here, you could have a problem. If you do, you’re not alone. The fact is, millions of people have an eating disorder.

Let’s take a closer look at anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating. Each of these disorders has distinct symptoms, but all of them involve an abnormal attitude toward food. If you see yourself in any of the descriptions that follow, be assured that help is available. You can get better!

ANOREXIA: No matter how slim they may be, when someone with anorexia looks in the mirror, they see an obese person. To lose weight, they will resort to extreme measures. “I became compulsive about counting calories,” says one sufferer. “I carefully planned what I would eat for the week, skipping meals and exercising excessively whenever I thought I’d consumed too many calories. I took up to six laxatives a day.”

Before long, symptoms of anorexia start to show. Weight loss is a common sign, but the sufferer may also experience hair loss, dry skin, fatigue, and loss of bone density. Menstrual periods can become irregular or even cease for several consecutive months. Perhaps these symptoms sound harmless, but make no mistake—Anorexia is life threatening. One study found that in time, up to 10 percent of sufferers die from their disorder, usually as a result of organ failure or other problems related to improper nutrition.

BULIMIA: Instead of avoiding food, the girl with bulimia binges, consuming as many as 15,000 calories in just two hours! Then she purges what she has eaten, usually by making herself vomit or by taking laxatives or diuretics. Bingeing is most often carried on in secret. “After school, if I came home before anyone else, I usually binged,” says one girl. “I was careful to hide the evidence.” After the binge, however, guilt set in. “I would feel terrible about myself,” she says, “but I knew that I could easily erase my actions. I’d go upstairs, vomit, and feel not only relieved but also empowered.”

Despite any seeming benefit, purging is dangerous. Laxative misuse weakens the intestinal lining and can lead to inflammation or infection. Frequent vomiting can result in dehydration, tooth decay, damage to the esophagus, and even heart failure.

BINGE EATING: Like the bulimic, a binge eater will consume a large amount of food. The difference is that she will not purge. As a result, the binge eater may be overweight. Some will, however, starve themselves after a binge or engage in rigorous exercise. Sometimes when weight is maintained in this way, family and friends remain oblivious to the binger’s plight. Like anorexics and bulimics, binge eaters have an unhealthy attitude toward food. One girl says of herself and other sufferers: “Food is our personal, secret friend—maybe our only friend.” Another says: “While bingeing, nothing else seems to matter. Food seems all important—it’s comforting—and then the binge is followed by feelings of guilt and depression.”

Even without purging, bingeing is dangerous. It can lead to diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, and a number of other maladies. It can also take a heavy emotional toll. Could It Happen to You?

Of course, most people who want to lose weight or get into shape do not have an eating disorder. Still, after considering the above, you might wonder if you are heading in that direction. Ask yourself:

Am I ashamed or embarrassed about my habits or rituals related to food?
Do I hide my eating habits from others?
Has food become the biggest part of my life?
Do I weigh myself more than once a day?
Am I willing to take risks to lose weight?
Have I experimented with self-induced vomiting, laxatives, or diuretics?
Have my eating habits affected my social life? For example, do I prefer to be alone rather than with others so that I can binge or purge in secret?

If you have a problem the first step is to admit to yourself that you have a problem. “After thinking about it,” Danielle says, “I realized that I had the same feelings and habits as girls with anorexia. It was scary to come face-to-face with the fact that I did the same things that they did.”

Then, talk to a parent or other adult who is in a position to help you. Caring adults will not shame you.

You might gain the victory over your eating disorder, only to relapse weeks or even months later. If this occurs, do not give up. A setback does not make you a failure. It only emphasizes the need to strengthen your resolve, to recognize the warning signs that a relapse is imminent, and to open up, perhaps once again, to supportive individuals who can help you.

Gender Roles

by Annie
First and foremost I want to apologize to Becky, sorry for writing such a long post! I couldn’t stop, but I cut it down so it shouldn’t be so bad!

I was watching RUNNING WITH SCISSORS (good movie by the way) and there was a scene where Dr. Finch finds his daughter, Hope, in his “masturbatory” (his masturbating room) taking a nap. He says to her, “Go answer the phone, do some paperwork, go do something like a respectable young lady should do.” I didn’t really pay much attention to the comment until a few days later. (I am starting to sound like Hector in his How I’m not American post, ha ha ha). Anyway, I had family over for dinner and I was heating up tortillas. One of my uncles said to me, “Ya sabes calentar tortillas, ahora si te puedes casar.”

Ya sabes lavar, limpiar y cocinar, ya te puedes casar! That is a very common phrase if you come from a Mexican family. It is expected for a young girl to know how to be a “good” wife. How can one define what a good wife is? Are their certain requirements that women are supposed to follow? Gender roles probably represent the earliest division of labor among humans. Every society has specific social definitions of appropriate behavior for males and females.

In my Women and Creativity class we read an article from the Housekeeping Monthly Magazine (1955). The name of the article was The Good Wife’s Guide and when I finished reading it I was shocked. These are just a few of the bullet points the article had:

1. Be happy to see him.
2. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is the way to let him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
3. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.
4. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
5. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
6. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
7. A good wife always knows her place.

Wow! Some of these are not so extreme but still, “Don’t question him,” now that is just a little degrading. A wife has every right to ask her husband anything she wants, doesn’t she?

I have always been very independent and I am a firm believer in equality for all sexes. There are times when I don’t know how to react to male chauvinist ideas or actions. For example, when my father or brothers leave their plate on the table after dinner, my mother instantly picks up after them. I used to get so mad. I would always say, “Ey, you forgot to pick up your plate!” They look at me and say things like, “I’ve been working all day, I’m tired,” “That’s what your mother is for,” or “If you see it then pick it up!” This makes me really angry, especially because my mother doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t see anything wrong with what they (my father and brothers) say or do. I understand that she was raised that way, I respect her completely, and I just don’t think I am comfortable with doing that myself. I know that when I decide to have a family I will have to make certain sacrifices and I will definitely respect and support my husband, and I expect my husband to respect me as well, but I think there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. My mother constantly tells me, jokingly, that I am going to be a horrible wife. She says my husband is going to starve and will never have clean clothes. All this is said in a humorous matter, but I know that unconsciously she wishes I were a little bit more submissive.

I know how to cook, clean, wash, etc. my mother did well in teaching me how to do these things and I appreciate it. In fact I couldn’t thank her more, I am so proud that I am able to do things on my own, domestically speaking, and she knows I am ready to have a family, if that is what I wanted. I love to cook, it is one of the things I enjoy doing the most. I cook for my family, friends, and of course myself. What I am trying to say is this: I don’t disagree with knowing how to do the domestic aspects of the home; as a matter of fact I think it is necessary to know these things, but I do disagree with the idea that the female sex is “supposed” to do it. Why shouldn’t it be expected from both sexes?

Most people simply say that this is how the world works, but it isn’t! How can we account for women's subordination? Women's subordination has a social origin; it is neither given by nature nor an accidental feature of relations between men and women, but built into the structure of society. If gender and sexuality are not fixed by nature, then male dominance and institutionalized heterosexuality are open to challenge.

I was watching Popeye a couple weeks ago and there was an episode where Olive Oyl started taking self defense classes. Popeye walks by and see’s the poster which is advertising Women Self Defense classes. It is not very clear but you can hear Popeye saying “Oohh classes for the weaker sex!” I swear it says that! So I continued watching more episodes (I bought the Popeye collection on DVD in August, if anyone wants to borrow them just let me know!) and when I switched the DVD a WARNING came up, the warning reads as follows: The animated shorts you are about to see are a product of their time. They may depict some of the ethnic, sexist and racial prejudices that were commonplace in American society. These depictions were wrong then and are wrong today. While the following shorts do not represent the Warner Bros. view of today’s society, these animated shorts are being presented as they were originally created, because to do otherwise would be the same as claiming these prejudices never existed.

Men and women are different in regards to privilege, prestige, and power. The problem of who gets what, when, and how has traditionally been answered in favor of males. Sex is a biologically determined characteristic; gender is a socially constructed characteristic.

No nation treats its women as well as its men. Women in many countries suffer discrimination and abuse. U.S. women do most of the household work and childrearing. Even though more women are contributing in the paid workforce, women continue to be excluded from top jobs or earn less than men. And even though women have become more involved, men still dominate U.S. political life.

Functionalists suggest that families are organized along instrumental-expressive lines, with men specializing in instrumental tasks and women in expressive tasks. Conflict theorists say that a sexual division of labor is a social tool devised by men to make sure they get privilege, prestige, and power in their relationships with women. Interactionists argue that gender inequality continues because of the way we define men and women’s roles in society. Feminists argue that women are disadvantaged because society is patriarchal; the assignment of group differences is socially damaging people. The truth is social construction is a reality and we will never be able to get rid of it. Society has made a mold or a model of how we are supposed to act and yes, all cultures and religions have their own specific ideas on how one as a male or female should act, but in the end the established order has already created a central idea of sexes, behaviors, and expectations. I am not saying there are no differences between sexes because in saying so I am neglecting certain truths meaning not all societal roles are due to conditioning. I am just saying that the idea of how "men" and "women" are supposed to act is a social construct.

Basically I have come to this conclusion: I don’t agree one hundred percent with how society creates roles for women. For example, the “good wife” article, I don’t think that we should be told how to be with our husbands; we should respect and love our husbands without following a handbook. Women are free to be however they wish. I don’t look down upon women who are all about their husbands, those women who can’t do anything without consulting their husbands first; some women like that, they like to feel “protected,” I am just not like that, their might be occasions where it is necessary but keep your self respect ladies.

Color-Vision Deficiency

Do you have Color-Vision Deficiency? 1 of twelve guys and 1 of every 200 girls suffer from this condition. Most sufferers have difficulty distinguishing between yellow, green, orange, red, and brown. This defect can make it hard to see green mold on brown bread or on yellow cheese or even distinguish a blue-eyed blonde from a green-eyed redhead.

Defects in color vision are usually inherited and are present at birth. Because schools often use color-coded teaching tools, especially in the early grades, parents and teachers might think that a child has a learning disability when, in fact, they have a color-vision deficiency.

Although there is no known cure for this condition, it neither worsens with age nor does it increase the risk of other defects. Still, color-vision deficiency is a disability that can be frustrating.